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A New Dance and a New Song in a Dark Place

“…And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,

Behold the dwelling place of God is with man… the former things have passed away…

 Behold, I am making all things new…

write this down

 It is done!”

His Royal Daughters

I want to speak to those who may be struggling in dark places. In an earlier newsletter, I shared the beginning of my eye journey, a complete surprise adventure.

Who expects to hear there is melanoma behind their retina that only five in one million people get? Not me!!! And---well---I am not sure that, at first, I handled it like the faith-filled person I wanted to be.

After I bellowed at the doctor that God and I were going to fight this, I crumpled into a pile of tears in the car.

“How did this happen?” I shouted inwardly to the one who knew me best and loved me most, my Creator and Father.

“I trusted you to protect me from sickness, disease and CANCER!”

That first night after the diagnosis, I awoke almost every hour. Each time I checked the clock, flopped my head on the pillow and listened to scriptures that floated through my thoughts.

I will not die, but live and declare the works of the Lord. (Ps 118:17 ESV).

No weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed…(Isaiah 54:17 ESV)

I take no credit for these declarations. They drifted sovereignly into my thoughts. I will share more about this journey in coming emails. Suffice it to say that this journey has given me a deeper understanding of our King’s love.

A month later, after I returned home from surgery, my eyesight was so blurry that I could not write, nor drive. I was isolated within my house with a lot of alone time to be with our Jesus. At first, this idea thrilled me. In the past, nothing satisfied me more than being in His presence and pouring out my love on Him.

My husband took good care of me. Four times a day he placed drops and salve in my eye, but I felt disconnected from my precious Jesus. I tried to meditate on His goodness while listening to soft, quiet instrumentals. I walked back and forth inside my house to upbeat, exuberant worship. Nothing stirred a song in my heart. Nor a dance in my feet. It all felt shallow and meaningless.

One sleepless night I rolled over in bed and stared out the window into the darkness and hugged my pillow. 

God where are you? What have I done wrong? Why can’t  I feel your presence?

I heard my special Jesus chair call from the other room, Come. Sit for a while.

Crawling out of bed and being careful not to disturb my husband, I wrapped my fuzzy blanket around my shoulders and crept in the night stillness across the hallway. Snuggled into the chair’s cushy arms, I propped my feet up and waited. After a while, I heard ever so softly Jesus’ words from the cross. “…my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” I sucked in  my breath.

Oh, Jesus. I never understood how alone you felt, until now. I’m sure what I’m feeling is just a tiny glimpse of what you suffered.

Be thankful. His gentle voice wooed.

Of course! Why had I not thought of it before. Be thankful for everything. That’s what he’d taught me to do in times like this.

Oh Father, I don’t feel very thankful, but--- I thank you, even for this sense of  separation. I waited in the darkness. One lone tear trickled into the fuzzy blanket I held against my cheek.

I know you have already made something beautiful of this. My soft whisper pierced the quietness and it’s hard to explain what happened next as I waited in the silence. Deep within my being those words reverberated over and over and over.

I am thankful because I know you have already made something beautiful of this.

I am thankful because I know you have already made something beautiful of this.

With each whisper a strong sense of joy bubbled up stronger and stronger in my being. The dark cloud lifted that had hung over my thoughts and I stood. Glad tears streamed down my face. The blanket dropped to the floor and I threw my arms out and twirled around and around in the dark, my feet flying free and easy across the room.

When I stopped my joyful dance, I stared through my swollen, droopy eyelid at the twinkling stars outside my window. A song of gratitude flowed off my lips to the one who suffered to give me a new song and a new dance.

More to come about this eye journey. Until then, remember everything we face on this earth has been made new and beautiful through Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection. Believe it and be thankful!

IT IS DONE!!

If you need personal prayer or a listening ear, please contact me at [email protected] or 620 255 6161

If you have missed any of my previous emails, check them out on my new website: www.lindafergerson.com or

www.thelionandthebutterfly.com.

Your Fellow Kingdom Seeker