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Royal Ones,

Sit with me a while and hear my heart.  I come in transparency and humility with three powerful words from the Father, which I will reveal later in our time together. 

An incident happened today that caused me to think---who am I to write to you about God? I’m so…Let’s just say the names I thought about myself in those moments should be flushed in the toilet and not repeated. 

Over the years God has taught me to be thankful for everything just as it is---because He has already made something beautiful out of everything I face. 

My ninety-five year old mother has 20 percent hearing and talking with her is extremely frustrating. I usually repeat myself over and over, then type the words in a text message or write it on paper for her to read.

It is not her fault she can’t hear. And, for those who might ask, yes, I have prayed for restoration of her hearing numerous times. She is very social and it is difficult for her as well. 

Today I exploded in a tirade of unkind words. “No! No! No! That is not what I said. I’ve told you three times the same thing. You are not paying attention to me.  Look at me, Mom!”

She turned her head and faced me. Tears glistened in her eyes and I felt sick inside. I’d done it again. Lost my patience. Said hurtful words. Was I thankful for everything? Just as it is? My mom’s deafness? My impatience? Thankful because He’s made something beautiful of it? No way!

I put my arms around her shoulder and pulled her close. “Oh, Mom, I am so sorry. It is not your fault. Forgive me.”

“Linda,” she whimpered, “I wish I could hear better. Sometimes, I feel so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid, Mom. I am the stupid one. I had no right to yell at you like that. I’m so sorry!”  

As she always does, my Mom forgave me. 

Forgive myself? Well, Let’s just say I felt like a piece of manure that stunk up the cattle stockyard in my city. Worthless. Good only to be thrown out. Stomped upon.

      I sat in a pile of tears waiting for the gas pump to fill my car and reiterated to my brother the whole scene. “I guess I should be thankful for myself just like I am. That’s what God always tells me. Be thankful. I’m not thankful! How has He made something beautiful of this? I am a mess!” More sobs, uncontrollable sobs.

     Suddenly, three words dropped into my thoughts from heaven, I love you!” 

“I love you. I just heard the words, I love you.” I sniffed and looked for a tissue.

         “There you go,” my brother chuckled.

Later, I thought of Jesus words, …You shall love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:39 ESV). 

How can I love myself when I act so unlovable?

His gentle response surprised me.

Because you are mine. You belong to me. Belonging to me is everything. You don’t have to overcome. I have done it for you. Belonging to me is more than anything you do or have ever done. Just Be. Not do. I have conquered for you. Just be mine---loved and accepted.

I sensed His laughter. Oh, Linda, if you could see what I see…He paused. You will. You will see. 

     The guilt, the shame, the dislike of myself lifted. Tears flowed. Tears of gratitude. He loved me, even at my worst, when I felt I had failed, not showed His love to my mother. He loved me anyway. His love for me never changed.

     Royal Ones, no matter what you are going through, no matter how you feel about yourself, your Father is always speaking these three words over your life.

 “I LOVE YOU!

 “Can you hear it? 

           It’s true. He loves you, even when you’re a mess. You’re royal because you belong to Him. And never forget, He has already made something beautiful out of everything you face here on earth! 

     Don’t believe it? Just ask Him.

Linda Fergerson, His Little Butterfly